Runaway mommy

As mothers we've all had days where we've felt like running away and starting life over. While this is a regular thought process for me personally, it is certainly not something that I would EVER consider following through with.
Over the past few years I have actually heard of women who have gone through with it - they've left their families, found a boyfriend, and started life over with someone new, leaving the kids from the first relationship with their dad, along with full custody. Up until now the women I've heard about that have actually gone through with this have been friends of friends, but I have recently acquired a new hairdresser who has done exactly what I'm talking about.
Although I'm not sure of the details, approximately 3 years ago my hairdresser, mother of 4 kids - twin girls age 17, daughter age 12, and son age 8, (they were 3 years younger when it occurred) decided that she'd had enough of parenting, divorced her husband, and gave him full custody of all 4 kids claiming that she just wasn't cut out for parenting anymore. IS PARENTING A CHOICE? IS IT A JOB WE CAN QUIT? I THINK NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As a mother of a 7 year old, I can't even begin to wrap my head around making the decision to stop being a regular part of his life. It took me years to feel comfortable with the idea of going on a vacation without my kids let alone leaving them permanently. Until my kids were old enough to understand that I would actually be returning, I just couldn't bring myself to leave them for more than a few hours at a time. How does a mother do this?
My only conclusion as to how women can justify walking out on their families is that there has been some serious genetic malfunction in the structure of the woman involved's brain. How you can go through 9 months of pregnancy, countless sleepless nights, the terrible two's, numerous milestones, etc. , and then just decide you're done, is incredulous! My children are a part of me, and to consider the idea that my hairdressor's son at the young age of 8 has no regular female presence in his life to put on bandaids, to listen to all of the "unfair" things that happened to him at school from day to day, or just to give a hug when he's feeling down, makes me want to cry, yell, SCREAM! It is one thing to loose your mom in an accident or due to illness, but for her to "choose" not to be part of your life has got to be horendous!
I realize that there are fathers that do similar things every day. I realize that the loss of a father in this manner is life-altering as well, but I don't think it can be compared to the rejection of your mom, the woman that gave birth to you.
Like I said, my only conclusion is that these women are severely genetically mutated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boys will be boys................or will they?

There is a dynamic going on in my sons grade 1 class that is out of the ordinary. It is a dynamic that I am all too familiar with, as it occurred in my grade 1 year as well. I've never really heard of it occuring in a male circle of friends before, which frustrates me, because if I'm going to have only boys, I want "only boy" problems. Arghhhhhhhhh!
Apparently there is a group of about 5 boys who typically hang out together in my sons class. This group has 2 leaders, one of which is my son. (I think youngest children tend to be leaders of their peers, because they are already very accustomed to large groups of kids, and have observed how to manipulate people into doing what they want them to do. They may not get their way at home, being that they are the youngest, but amongst their peers they have no fear of telling others what to do.) The other leader of this group has parents that work full time, and aren't very strict about foul language, types of movies/shows their kids watch, what kind of video games their kids play, nor do they seem to enforce any kind of "fair play" rules in their household. Well, it seems that my son, along with this other boy, have created a type of "gang" that takes turns liking and not liking certain other individuals of the group. I find this horrific, because this is the exact same thing that I was a victim of in grade 1, and I am mortified to think that my own son is immitating a behaviour that I abhor. I THOUGHT THIS ONLY HAPPENED TO GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been doing my best to instill values such as fair play, kindness, understanding, etc. in my son, and since I've discovered this situation at school, these values have been re-inforced on a daily basis. I only wish other parents would do the same. I've struggled with whether or not to notify the mom of the other "leader" child in this group as to what is going on, but it's such a hard call when you want to maintain a friendship with someone whose child is leading your child in the wrong direction. You don't want them to think that you're telling them how to parent. It's a tough call.
When your children are pre-school age and you encounter a situation like this, you can continue the adult friendship (like I stated in a previous post), and choose not to let the kids play together. But once the kids are in school, in the same class, there's not much you can do.
My prayer is that my son and this other boy are separated next year and that the rest of the boys involved move on to more healthy friendships.
Parenting is hard. Sometimes all we can do is give it to God!

boys need to work

It is a cloudy monday (holiday) morning, and I have just managed to convince all four of my boys that it is their duty to get out in the field and help their father pick rocks. This was not an easy task, but if you know exactly what motivates each of them, it's not as difficult as it may seem.
I find that alot of parenting and discipline has to do more with what kind of willingness a parent has in making the effort to do what he/she needs to do as a parent, than whether or not it should actually be done. It is alot easier to let the kids stay inside playing on the xbox, computer, or watching tv, than it is to get them out the door to do physical labour. When you are tired, it's just plain simpler to do everything on your own than it is to make them get off of their butts and do it themselves.
Parents with two or less children seem to fall into this trap more easily than larger families, because they actually can "do everything". Those of us with larger families realize that we can't, and therefore the motivation to get the kids to help out is elevated.
Although my boys are inherantly lazy, and there have been numerous times that I too have been too lazy to get them to do what I know that they should, I am now seeing the fruits of the times I've actually done the right thing, got them off their butts, and have therefore taught them the meaning of work. Not only will they eventually be more successful in the adult "work world" because of it, but hey...............................those rocks may even get picked!

There's always one

In a family that consists of more than two children, it seems as though there is always one clown in the bunch. This is the child who is constantly pestering the other children to the point where a fight becomes inevitable, who is always the one to get injured, who is always the one to attempt things that are completely outrageous, and who is quite frankly, the life of the party.
Time and time again you swear life would be simpler without this child, but when it comes right down to it, the family dynamic would be utterly boring without him/her.
Every child in my family seems to be quite rational, with the exception of this one child. We often wonder where he came from, and if we can send him back. BUT, honestly speaking, I can't imagine life without him.

This about sums it up!

There are so many books on the market these days whose intent are to inform parents that boys are wild, and as parents, we need to accept this fact in order to parent effectively.
As an only girl in a family of 6, and as a mother of 4 sons, this is not news to me. Boys are "wild at heart", and if you can get past the inevitable damage, and pain that they will eventually inflict upon themselves and sometimes others, and enjoy them for who they are instead of trying to shut them down, you may just come up with a hilarious list like this one day! (this is not to say that they should be allowed to harm others or to destroy things intentionally...............just that this is par for the course when raising sons, and as they grow they need to guided in the right direction, not expected to be quiet, proper young men from the get go!)

RAISING BOYS
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas. Things I've learned from my boys (honest, and not kidding): 1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room. 5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late. 8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.10.) Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.12.) Super glue is forever.13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool youstill can't walk on water.14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. 19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. 20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time. 21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid with or without boys, do it because: a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical! b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny. d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

Hats off to working moms

This year my youngest son began grade 1, which means that this was the first time in 15 years that I've been at home without kids. At first I thought that it would be wonderful...................freedom at last!!!!!!!!!!!!! But after awhile I began to feel guilty - that I now needed to be a productive member of society, and that since all of my kids were in school, I was somehow no longer worthy of staying at home. My guilty conscience eventually drove me to start applying for jobs.
Well, considering I needed a job that would still allow me to drop off and pick up my kids from school, I became quite limited as to what kind of job I could consider. I did actually find an employer that had a shift that they called the "mommy shift", and was eventually interviewed and told that I was hired, but for some bizarre reason, they never did call me in. In retrospect this is the biggest blessing that could have occured!
Two months later December arrived, all of the housecleaning and laundry that was caught up in September after the summer holidays began to pile up, Christmas parties, shopping, and concerts started accumulating, and I began to re-evaluate how I was going to cope with my life as a "mom", if I were to add a career to the mixture. I decided that in order to keep my sanity, it just wasn't going to be able to happen. Thank goodness I realized this before it was too late. (the thought of a few relaxing weeks in a psycho ward is not such a bad thought, but I think the kids would miss me.)
I don't know how those of you who manage a career and a household do it. Coming home after a long day of work to a household of chores, homework, and extra-curicular activities, has got to be overwhelming. Hats off to ya!

Saying good-bye

Tonight I said good-bye to the last of my beagle puppies. After 8 weeks of being mom to these little rascals, I must say that I'm going to miss them. It's hard to let go.
My oldest son turned 15 yesterday.............................my thoughts drift to the day when I'm going to have to let him go. He's such an integral part of our family structure. I don't know how I'm going to cope with him no longer being a constant presence in this household. It is reassuring to know that he is becoming an independant, hard-working, responsible young man, and to know that he's not involved in anything self-destructive, at this point at least, but still, the inevitable departure of one of my babies is sad.
Apparently a few weeks after a mother dog loses a pup, she know longer recognizes it. I don't know that I would wish for this, but knowing that my motherly instinct will never end so long as I'm alive makes me fear for the future when my chicks have all left the nest.
As mothers,it seems as though we just start getting good at our job when suddenly we find we've lost it.

Beagle misconceptions

I heard a lady on the playground at school the other day say "anything but a beagle" when discussing with another mom what breed of dog to consider when selecting a new pup. I must say that I was apalled, and am continually surprised by people's misunderstanding of the breed. I have heard that beagles eat too much, howl too much, follow their noses to the point of getting lost on a regular basis, that they are stupid, and that they are difficult to train. I don't know if my beagles are exceptions to the rule, but I have found none of the above to be true.
Eat too much? - my female is so picky that she will only eat one brand of doggy treats, and when I fill her bowl with food, it usually sits there until the end of the day.
Howl too much? - sure, when a stranger comes to the door or when another dog walks past the house of course they howl, but compared to most of the smaller breeds of dogs, I'll take a little howling as opposed to alot of yapping any day.
Follow their noses to the point of running away? - I've taken my dogs hiking up the mountains numerous times, and my female is so aware of my presence that she never lets me out of her sight......................she runs ahead, and then looks back and waits until I catch up.
Stupid? Okay, here is where I really get my back up. I have had a cocker spaniel, a doberman, a terrier cross, a black lab, a shepherd/ lab, and a rotweiler. Although it may have taken my beagle a little bit longer to catch on to the whole potty training routine, once she got it, she got it. She can be left in the house an entire day, and I've NEVER had to worry about an accident, and overall I must say that she has been the smartest dog I've owned.
Behaviour is all about training. You discipline your children, you generally end up with well-behaved kids. You discipline your dog, you generally end up with a well behaved dog. Blaming the breed is no different than blaming the child. As pet-owners, we are the ones responsible for the eventual behaviour of our dogs.