Letting go - part 2

Just when I thought I had delt with the whole independance thing in regards to my 15 year old, here comes summer vacation and full-time employment, cutting another snip in my apron strings. My husband owns his own business on our property, which means employment for my sons is pretty much a given as soon as they are physically capable. Last summer at 14 my eldest began working full-time on the property under the supervision of my husband, and I thought that this routine would continue into adulthood until he began a career of his own. Well, I never even considered that my husband would allow our son to begin work at 5 :30 am and would spend the summer working with the instalation crew under the supervision of one of my husband's partners. This is a hard-core group of men. Although they are all hard workers, and I have no fear for my son's safety, he is definately going to get an education in a part of society that I'm not sure he knew existed before now. As hard as it is for me to let this happen, I know that it has to. The sooner that he is aware of where bad choices take you (alcohol, drugs, etc. - because this is what most of these men have been into), the more likely he is to veer away from these kind of lifestyle choices in the future (I pray). I also agree with my husband that our son will probably learn alot more, and work harder for someone other than his dad, and I guess that I just have to hope that as with school work, the things that we've taught him up to this point are going to be enough to guide him in the right direction.
My son started his third day of work this morning, and I must say, his maturity amazes me. He is the first one up in the house at 5am, and has his lunch made and breakfast eaten before he leaves at 5:30. Although he's worked long hours, and is probably pushed to his limits physically, he has not complaigned. He is becoming a man before my eyes. I'm just not sure if I'm ready for this yet. It seems like yesterday that he was a tiny little colicky baby that wouldn't stop crying..............................now it's me who sheds a tear as my boy becomes a man.

Letting go

Academic life with kids at the elementary school age is all about checking to make sure homework is done, helping if there are any "failure to understand" issues, and checking with the teacher when your child just isn't "getting it". This is all pretty straight forward parenting, and although it is disheartening when your child is lagging behind while others are catching on quickly in a specific area, it's not very difficult to determine what to do about the issue..............tutoring, summer school, etc.
What I am finding really difficult these days is how to deal with these same issues at a high school level. I am no longer informed of all of the homework assigned, I don't really have a clear idea as to how my children are doing in school on a day to day basis as I'm no longer at their classroom door chatting it up with the teacher, and therefore I am coming to the conclusion that I must begin to give up my power of "making sure" they're responsible academically, and trust that I've taught them enough in the early years to eventually get them to be responsible themselves. This is incredibly scary, but is seeming more and more necessary. All of those after school questions -( do you have any homework? do you have any projects that you should be working on? do you have a novel that you should be reading?) are slowly getting dropped as I'm beginning to see that in order to make my kids responsible, I need to let them suffer the consequences of being irresposible. Parenting is about eventually being able to let go, and as difficult as I'm finding this first stage of their independance, I think that I'm coming to terms with the fact that it is (unfortunately for this overprotective she bear) incredibly necessary.

To bus or not to bus.............that is the question.

Ever since I can remember, driving all 4 of my kids anywhere has been absolute chaos, but unfortunately it is also a necessary part of child-rearing these days. Gone are the days of walking to school, walking to the nearest ice rink for skating lessons, walking to a friends house for a playdate, etc.. Seeing as though we live on a farm, even if these things were still acceptable in a big city, they wouldn't occur in our particular circumstance anyways, but hey........................what would parenting be without looking back to your own childhood and seeing a simpler way of life, right?
Anyways....................since my two oldest boys are no longer attending the same school as my younger two, I decided last fall that in order to avoid complete and utter chaos in the mornings (ie. driving to two different schools), that I would pay for the two older boys to be bused. It has worked out very well, as far as I was led to believe, until the subject of signing them up to be put on next years bus route came up during a dinner conversation the other night. Apparently both older boys absolutely detest the bus, and both BEGGED and PLEADED with me to drive them next year, saving them the excrutiating hour long trip that it takes them to get home every day(the school itself is only a 10 minute drive away). Well, I must say that I was surprised to hear how desperately they wanted to resume their dependance on me since I thought to myself "High School?................ chatting with friends?................ walking to the corner store?, checking out the opposite sex?" I thought that these things would be something that they would appreciate at their age while hanging around waiting for the bus. Apparently not!
Hence, it looks as though I will be returning to the land of utter morning chaos next September, as once again I become responsible for getting 4 kids in the car and off to school as opposed to just the two that I've been used to this year.
I do have two or three weapons of choice that have come in handy during stressful car-rides over the years. I'm sure they will soon be re-implemented as we all ride together once again. For anyone else out there who may also benefit, they are as follows......................
#1 The Quiet Game
A good friend taught me this one, and it has become the saviour of my sanity on numerous occasions.
directions : upon reaching maximum noise levels, and after having tried every threat in the book, one merely has to yell "Quiet Game", and the noise immediately ceases. This occurs because a previously determined reward is on the line, and the child who is able to stay quiet for the longest period of time, knows that he will receive this award should he be able to hold out the longest. This game works great with brothers, cause younger children have no less advantage than older siblings, and what boy isn't instilled with a huge dose of competitiveness?
#2 Monthly Seat Rotation
I overheard this idea while getting the kids hair cut about 8 years ago.
directions: put all children on a monthly seat rotation.
A month is long enough so that you don't forget from trip to trip whose turn it actually is to sit in a particular seat, and it saves numerous arguments over seat preference. This one is a life saver!
#3 (The biggest cop-out) Invest in a vehicle with a dvd player.
When the kids were younger it was kids sing-a-long music tapes, but now that I have teenagers this just doesn't cut it anymore. Movies are fantastic. I find I spend so much time waiting in parking lots all over town, and I'll typically have at least one child along who has to wait with me. What better way to keep him happy than to pop in a movie, while I take the opportunity to enjoy the novel I'm currently engaged in. I love it!

Well, as you can see I've pretty much resigned myself to adding yet more hours to my daily driving schedule next year, and have cleary opted to give in to my childrens complaints and drive them to school next year. If anyone out there has any more life saving tips for the daily commute, let me know..........................
Until then,
Happy trails!

Why do I have boys?

I've spent 15 years of my life wondering why on earth God chose to bless me with "only boys". At times, especially after the birth of my fourth son, I had regular meltdowns, and mourned the loss of the dream of ever having a daughter of my own. No dresses, no hairdo's, no shopping, no sharing puberty horror stories, no wedding day to share, no grandbaby............................okay, there will be wedding days, and grandbabies, I hope, but the mother- son thing just doesn't quite compare to the bond between a mom and her daughter when it comes to these kinds of occasions.
Now that I've come to accept the fact that I will never have a daughter, I'm beginning to discover what being a mom of sons can to do to a woman's personality, and I must say that I kind of like it. Yesterday my 15 year old brought 6 friends over to work on a school project. Most women would be intimidated by a group of boys this age, and would probably choose to banish them to the basement, or some other remote area of the household where she wouldn't have to deal with them. Not me! I'm used to a household full of testosterone, and was quite excited upon hearing that they had chosen our house as the project meeting place. So excited in fact that I baked them a cake, and then went on to make them all supper when they were still here at 6:30 and I realized that testosterone needs regular caloric intake.
What's really flattering is that the boys that come around tend to pick up on my being at ease with their presence, and tend to "chat it up" with me. It's quite a unique situation to be in, and I must say that I don't think that I'd be in this position if I had a daughter. As much as I think that I'd like another female living under this male-dominated household, I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that God knows what he's doing when he chooses the sex of our kids. I can have a unique impact on young mens lives, as I am an open door for questions they may have about the oposite sex, and am an example to them of a woman who's not all "feminine and shy" whenever boys come around. As difficult as it is at times, not to be jelous when I see a mom walking hand in hand with a blond haired, blue eyed little girl, I think that I have actually come to terms with accepting my role as mother to this fist throwing, belch emitting, flatulance exuding group of boys. I am mother, hear me roar!(I just roar louder cause I'm a mother to sons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)