When to get a puppy?

I have always been a dog person, and during periods when it has been impossible for me to have a dog, I've felt like something (or someone) was missing.
My husband and I started out our marriage with a dog. Actually, we bought our doberman "Apollo" before we got married, because at this point in my life I had gone through quite a few years without a dog (the whole university campus, rental apartment phase), and knowing that we would have a yard in the not too distant future, caused me to get so excited that I just couldn't wait. Although mother-in-law wasn't extremely impressed with having a young doberman arrive unanounced, she's pretty layed back, and actually coped quite well with the temporary new addition. All worked out well in the end.
Anyways.......................because the dog was trained before the first son came, the adjustment was pretty smooth, and I never really thought about the whole "kids and dogs" scenario until we moved west, left the doberman behind, and didn't have a place of our own again for another 4 months. Well, of course the first thing that I wanted was a puppy. Not a great choice. Diapers and doggy doo just don't mix. At the end of the day it seems that all I'd done was be the cleaner of the crap............lovely.
It is my opinion that the perfect time for a puppy is when the last baby is out of diapers, so that you are in the right headspace to train a puppy, and your focus can be on it instead of baby. Two babies in the house just doesn't work - puppy won't get trained properly, and you'll end up frustrated and mad at him, and will grow to resent the time he's taking up.
All of this said, I do believe that it is invaluable to have a pet in the house, if at all possible, during the child-raising years. Children that are never exposed to their own pets don't learn how to respect and understand animal behaviour. Animals are also a good way of teaching kids responsibility, but the kind of responsibility that comes with a big payback - a best friend that is always there to listen, and will love them no matter what.
Like kids, pets involve alot of time and energy, but what you get in return is priceless!

Sex Talk

Who is responsible for teaching your kids about sex? If your husband is not the type who is comfortable talking about it, is it okay to share the facts of life with your boys, or is it only appropriate for a man to speak to a boy, and a woman to speak to a girl about this often embarassing topic? Can it be left up to the school system to teach the "mechanics" of sex, as there are alot of very educated people out there whose education is centered on how to teach this subject, that we as parents sometimes feel uncomfortable and very un-educated about?
These are all questions that have run through my mind as a parent of 4 boys whose dad (my husband) is very uncomfortable with the topic (other than performing it, of course).
When my oldest son was in grade 4, I realized that it had to be done. I can't remember what brought it on. Perhaps the fact that he has two half-sisters, and I needed to explain who exactly they were in relation to him, and how they came into existance. I knew that my husband wasn't going to make my son comfortable with the conversation if forced to have it, so I decided, since my son and I had, and still have, a very easy time chatting with each other, that the I would take on the responsibility.
The first thing that I did was to find a book that I thought was at his level, and that made it more of a scientific "act" than an erotic one. The book that I chose was "What's the Big Secret?" by Laurie and Marc Brown. I of course instilled in my son my own beliefs about love, marriage and then sex, and found that this book allowed me to do that without contradicting any core beliefs that I had, unlike many "sex talks" that are given at schools these days. After having gone through the book together, I then asked if my son had any questions, and to my surprise he did and felt comfortable enough at this point to ask me things that he'd already heard on the playground and wasn't quite sure what they meant. The "talk" actually went much better than anticipated and opened a door that has since stayed open.
It is my belief that we as parents need to be the ones who share the sex facts with our own kids, because we are the only ones that have their best interests at heart. We know how we want them to treat the opposite sex and what kind of choices we want them to make when chosing girlfriends/boyfriends, and therefore we can't leave it up to the schools or the playground to teach this important topic. We need to keep communication open throughout the teen years, and if we're uncomfortable initiating the initial "facts of life" conversation, they are going to sense this, and will hesitate to consult us in the future.
In a day where teens think oral sex isn't really sex, std's are rampant, and pre-marital sex is taken for granted, I believe that it is my responsibility to set things straight in the mind of my children, and not assume that they will get through their young lives unscathed.

Chore charts and bratty kids

I was recently asked by a very close friend of mine how to get the kids to do more work around the house.........................not an easy task. Unfortunately when you're a busy mom such as myself, the problem is not actually motivating the kids to do something, but to sit yourself down and make up a chore chart.
To expect kids to do chores without such a chart, in my experience, is unrealistic. Not only that, but the kids in my house actually like chore charts. I go through phases of procrastination when one chart has kind of phased out, and I know that it's time to make a new one, but find it bothersome to actually sit down and plan it out. (I had one stored on a computer somewhere, but the kids caused the computer to crash and it mysteriously disappeared). Finally when I get off of my butt and get it done, life gets simpler (table is set, cleared, and dishes put away without my help), and I wonder why I didn't do it sooner.
Incentive is important. We all work for money, and kids want a payoff as well. In my house it's $5 a week, but it can be something as simple as a trip to 7-11 at the end of the week when the kids are younger. Once you have kids aged 10 and up the rewards have to increase unfortunately.
I've heard alot of people say that they don't believe in rewarding kids for household chores.............that it's a family responsibility that shouldn't require a payoff. I agree, but haven't really found this to be a good enough motivator. I find alot of parenting to be about incentive..................................that's what the work world is all about, right?

Another issue brought to my attention this week is how to deal with a friend that has really bratty kids. I've had this occur on numerous occasions, and it's very frustrating. At one point I made the assumption that I couldn't possibly have anything in common with a mom that didn't seem to know how to discipline her kids. Well............................was I wrong! One of my best friends, when her kids were younger, seemed to be completely oblivious to the fact that her kids were continually bouncing off the wall during our visits.
In my opinion, you must first decide how important your friendship with the mom is. If it is important to you, you need to start arranging to meet without kids - coffee in the evening or on the weekend. We all have priorities when it comes to parenting. I now believe that just because you don't respect someones parenting skills, doesn't mean you can't respect them in all other aspects of their lives, and end up having a great relationship with them.

Predjudism comes naturally

As a mother of 4 boys, I have discovered something most of you with a mix of the sexes may never come to realize................................mothers tend to discriminate against their own sons. This really gets on my nerves.
I've overheard mothers on the playground saying things such as "I think that I'll hold Luke back a year in school as his birthday isn't until late in the year, and you know how much slower boys are to mature................................" or " Katie and Julie are really doing well in their reading, but it's taking Tom a little longer to catch on.....................he IS a boy you know".
I do realize that there is a major difference in the way boys and girls learn, and in some areas boys are a little slower to mature, but lets not let the boys think that they are second rate, because as their moms, if this is the message they're getting at home, how are they ever going to grow into mature, self-confident men?
There is an overwhelming amount of media these days that plays on the "stupidity" of men. As women have been represented more and more in the workplace, it seems that instead of relishing in our ever-increasing power, we have stooped to demeaning men.
I want my boys to have backbones...............to know how to respect and treat a woman, to have the courage to stand up for her if she's threatened, to have enough confidence in themselves to speak up when confronted by injustice. By demeaning my sons into thinking that they are somehow less intelligent than the female gender (at any point in their young lives), I am producing a pretty lame husband for my future daughters-in-law.
I realize that siding with your own sex probably comes pretty naturally, and is something that you must continually make a conscious effort to go against, but future generations will be stronger with men who feel valued, especially by the women that they love the most - their moms.

why don't you do something?!?!?!?!

Trying to figure out what activities to involve your kids in when they get to the appropriate age is extremely frustrating in my experience. I spent nights worrying about whether to enroll in soccer or baseball, piano or voice, drama or art..........................the list goes on. Now in retrospect, I wish I would have spent more time just enjoying them at home and less time worrying about where to send them away.
Music skills have always been important to me, and therefore piano was a given. Sports....................well, I was never a jock, and my husbands schedule never allowed for him to drive kids all over town after school and evenings, so after a few attempts at soccer, gymnastics and drama, I decided the driving was too stressful, and began karate, where I could drop the kids off and pick them up an hour later. This worked for a few years, but when more of them joined (we started when our oldest was about 8 and youngest wasn't even born), the kids needed to be there at different times, and our dinner schedule became completely chaotic. I know most of you are probably saying"dinner schedule? what's that?", but having dinner together has always been a priority for me, and although when my oldest son turns 16 and becomes mobile this will probably no longer occur on a regular basis, right now I am doing everything in my power to make it happen. Therefore, karate went, and life became simple. Okay...................simple is deffinately an eggageration in a house with 4 boys, 2 dogs and 5 puppies, but simpler nevertheless.
It seems to me that society has placed too much emphasis on exra-curricular activities, and not enough emphasis on family time. If you have not yet given in to this overwhelming amount of pressure to involve your kids in extra-curricular activities, please consider what you may be giving up by doing so. Exercise is important, sporting skills are valuable, but more valuable than family time? I don't think so!

Why have kids?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm
I guess I never really made a decision to have kids..................I just always knew that I would. Some people ponder the issue and decide that it's just too much work, or that it will put a damper on their lifestyle, but having kids is so much more than "having a kid". It is an experience that changes your being to the core, and if you take your job as a parent seriously, you will become someone that those who know you today, would barely recognize.
Children take you from thinking about "me", to thinking about "them". Your sole focus is now not to make money so "you" can get ahead, but to make money to give "them" a better life. You don't follow the speed limit to keep from getting a ticket, you follow the speed limit to keep them safe.
A human being who puts others before him/herself is a much better human being, in my opinion, and therefore, having a child transforms you into someone better...................... stronger, more sensitive, more responsible, more aware, more concerned, - I could go on and on. No, parenting doesn't come without it's share of frustrations, disappointments and heartache, but I wouldn't trade it for a 10million dollar winning lottery ticket................life wouldn't be worth living without my kids!

Breeding dogs

When trying to breed dogs, don't believe everything that you read.
Two summers ago, I decided to breed my female beagle "Tango". I advertised in the paper for a male stud, decided on the one I wanted as my baby's "daddy", and thought that was it.....................we put them together at the right time, and soon we would have pups. Well, it didn't quite work out that way. After numerous weekends spent at "Champs" house, still there didn't seem to be a connection made, even though Tango was in, according to the books, her prime fertile stage. Eventually I ended up leaving her at Champ's house towards the 15-18th day of her cycle (as opposed to the 12-14th day that the book suggested), and she finally did become pregnant.
Well this was a success story. Last summer I planned for the same thing to happen,
left Tango at Chesters for a full week, and there was no action at all. I became very frustrated, because still, I was assuming what the books suggested to be correct. I left her there between the 12-18th day of her cycle, when prime fertility was supposed to be occurring.
After this experience I decided on purchasing my own male dog. Not only did I want to discover what was going wrong, but decided that if I found the "right" kind of daddy for my pups it would save the frustration of trying to schedule my dogs cycle with someone else's schedule, and in the long run I'd probably be financially ahead anyways.
Then came Chester. Lovely dog, lovely temperment, and very willing participant in the fathering of puppies. I eventually discovered that Tango was fertile between the 20th and 27th day of her cycle - much later than suggested by the "experts". Go figure!

pull-ups

Who created pull-ups? - Companies that obviously understood the laziness of todays society. How can a child, at the age of approximately 2, understand the difference between a pull-up and a diaper? Potty training is about discovering how uncomfortable it is to sit in your urine and excrement, and decide to do something about it. If we decide to use a method that takes away from the discomfort of the process, we are then prolonging the process. Who wants that?
When deciding to potty train, time is required. It is my experience that it can generally be accomplished in a weekend, if this is the sole focus of the weekend. NO pull-ups are required, except in the case of a child who has problems during the night.
If at all possible try to start training during the summer, and do away with underware altogether. Children love to hide when they are old enough to be aware that eliminating is rather messy. I began the process by placing the potty in the playroom, sometimes infront of the t.v. if a bowel movement was inevitable and I knew that it would take some time, and then commenced to place the child on the pot every 1/2 hour throughout the day. Before even starting this process, my kids were fully aware of what the words "pee" and "poo" meant as I used them every time I changed a diaper, and therefore caught on quikly as to what to do where.
Once the majority of eliminating gets done in the right place, the potty can be moved to the bathroom and the time increments can be increased.
Never assume in the beginning that the child is going to tell you when he/she has to "go". If the habit is learned first, eventually he/will tell you, but it must start with your diligence and regular placement on the pot.

It's all about control

When disciplining a young child or a new puppy, it is essential to keep the upper hand. When my oldest son (yes the colicky one) began to display "attitude" syptoms, I knew that it was time to do something to regain control, but it took me awhile to figure out how to accomplish this. I attempted the "go to your room" method, but my little guy just kept coming out. Next, I decided that if I spanked him after his escape attempts he would surely stay in his room, but this failed as well. My anger eccelerated to the point where he was deffinitely the one in control of the entire situation.
What I eventually discovered was the "hook and eye" lock. By attaching it to on the outside of the door, escape was no longer an option,. I know that "Super Nanny" teaches a method where you spend hours placing and re-placing the child onto the "naughty spot", but in today's fast-paced world, I find my method just as effective, but alot less time consuming. There may be those who see this as a form of abuse, but believe me, compared to the tension that was mounting while placing, and replacing my son back into his room, I truly believe the tendency for subsequent abuse is much less likely with this method. I followed the same principal for appropriate "time spent in room" as most methods recommend - 1 min. per age of child, and after a very short period of time the lock was no longer needed and I had taken back control.

As far as puppies go, one of the methods I used to train my now 3 year old (mom of 5) dog was another matter of gaining control. I discovered this method in "Puppies for Dummies". What it suggests is putting the puppy on a leash while housetraining. eg.) If you spend most of your time in the kitchen, tie the leash to the leg of your table (or something sturdy), place a blanket, water, food, and papers to pee on, all within the puppy's reach, and you never have to worry about the pup wandering off and making messes all over your house. You are also able to observe him closely, so that when you see he needs to eliminate, you can either grab him and put him on the paper (my preliminary method of choice), or put him directly outside.
Initially I found it hard to believe that a pup would be happy with such limited space, but was surprised to find out that this wasn't an issue at all!

first experience

When giving birth to your first child, never let anyone else influence the way you do things.....................
At the time I gave birth to my first son I had one girlfriend who had had a child just before me, and she had a very idealistic, wholesome way of making parenting decisions. I thought it all sounded wonderful, until I found myself with a colicky baby.
She decided "not to use a pacifier" because this was an artificial means of keeping her baby happy. She decided "not to give her baby suplemental bottles" because this too was an artificial means of feeding her child.
I decided I would copy her "style" because it sounded so romantic, but it ended up being a disaster. My baby screamed non-stop, and because I hadn't introduced the pacifier or bottle from birth, he completely rejected them, which left me nursing all day and all night long.
The best thing about colic is that it ends..................eventually. It also teaches patience, which comes in very handy throughout the parenting years!

life on the farm

After 14 years of raising boys( 4 of them to be exact), and being asked by numerous acquaintances answers to many mind-boggling questions on how to resolve parenting/discipline issues, I have decided to create a blog logging various day to day dilemmas we mothers of boys typically face.
This blog will not only document my experiences but will also include situations presented to me by friends and families, otherwise I'm sure those parusing this blog would get too inundated with "me and mine".
This blog will also detail the raising of my beagle puppies who are now 4 weeks old, and will of course include pictures of "my babies", until they go off to their "forever homes". Tango (mom beagle) and "Chester"(dad beagle), will of course be mentioned regularily as they are irreplaceable members of our family.
I hope to attract moms like myself, who when starting out this whole parenting adventure, didn't really know what to do or what to expect. I had my first son in rural Ontario with no mother or friend to ask for advice, and certainly could have used it on a daily basis had it been readily available.
I also hope to attract the odd owner of a loving family pet who is interested in breeding and could use a few tips on how to get started.
Here we go...............................let the posts begin