Sex Talk
Who is responsible for teaching your kids about sex? If your husband is not the type who is comfortable talking about it, is it okay to share the facts of life with your boys, or is it only appropriate for a man to speak to a boy, and a woman to speak to a girl about this often embarassing topic? Can it be left up to the school system to teach the "mechanics" of sex, as there are alot of very educated people out there whose education is centered on how to teach this subject, that we as parents sometimes feel uncomfortable and very un-educated about?
These are all questions that have run through my mind as a parent of 4 boys whose dad (my husband) is very uncomfortable with the topic (other than performing it, of course).
When my oldest son was in grade 4, I realized that it had to be done. I can't remember what brought it on. Perhaps the fact that he has two half-sisters, and I needed to explain who exactly they were in relation to him, and how they came into existance. I knew that my husband wasn't going to make my son comfortable with the conversation if forced to have it, so I decided, since my son and I had, and still have, a very easy time chatting with each other, that the I would take on the responsibility.
The first thing that I did was to find a book that I thought was at his level, and that made it more of a scientific "act" than an erotic one. The book that I chose was "What's the Big Secret?" by Laurie and Marc Brown. I of course instilled in my son my own beliefs about love, marriage and then sex, and found that this book allowed me to do that without contradicting any core beliefs that I had, unlike many "sex talks" that are given at schools these days. After having gone through the book together, I then asked if my son had any questions, and to my surprise he did and felt comfortable enough at this point to ask me things that he'd already heard on the playground and wasn't quite sure what they meant. The "talk" actually went much better than anticipated and opened a door that has since stayed open.
It is my belief that we as parents need to be the ones who share the sex facts with our own kids, because we are the only ones that have their best interests at heart. We know how we want them to treat the opposite sex and what kind of choices we want them to make when chosing girlfriends/boyfriends, and therefore we can't leave it up to the schools or the playground to teach this important topic. We need to keep communication open throughout the teen years, and if we're uncomfortable initiating the initial "facts of life" conversation, they are going to sense this, and will hesitate to consult us in the future.
In a day where teens think oral sex isn't really sex, std's are rampant, and pre-marital sex is taken for granted, I believe that it is my responsibility to set things straight in the mind of my children, and not assume that they will get through their young lives unscathed.
These are all questions that have run through my mind as a parent of 4 boys whose dad (my husband) is very uncomfortable with the topic (other than performing it, of course).
When my oldest son was in grade 4, I realized that it had to be done. I can't remember what brought it on. Perhaps the fact that he has two half-sisters, and I needed to explain who exactly they were in relation to him, and how they came into existance. I knew that my husband wasn't going to make my son comfortable with the conversation if forced to have it, so I decided, since my son and I had, and still have, a very easy time chatting with each other, that the I would take on the responsibility.
The first thing that I did was to find a book that I thought was at his level, and that made it more of a scientific "act" than an erotic one. The book that I chose was "What's the Big Secret?" by Laurie and Marc Brown. I of course instilled in my son my own beliefs about love, marriage and then sex, and found that this book allowed me to do that without contradicting any core beliefs that I had, unlike many "sex talks" that are given at schools these days. After having gone through the book together, I then asked if my son had any questions, and to my surprise he did and felt comfortable enough at this point to ask me things that he'd already heard on the playground and wasn't quite sure what they meant. The "talk" actually went much better than anticipated and opened a door that has since stayed open.
It is my belief that we as parents need to be the ones who share the sex facts with our own kids, because we are the only ones that have their best interests at heart. We know how we want them to treat the opposite sex and what kind of choices we want them to make when chosing girlfriends/boyfriends, and therefore we can't leave it up to the schools or the playground to teach this important topic. We need to keep communication open throughout the teen years, and if we're uncomfortable initiating the initial "facts of life" conversation, they are going to sense this, and will hesitate to consult us in the future.
In a day where teens think oral sex isn't really sex, std's are rampant, and pre-marital sex is taken for granted, I believe that it is my responsibility to set things straight in the mind of my children, and not assume that they will get through their young lives unscathed.
posted by Heather at 10:07 AM
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